Rainbow Lim(:

My tears are precious.

I have been made to believe that because people rarely see them.

My smiling outside cover is not all that there is to me.

And against the popular belief that Rainbow Lim never cries...

... she actually does.

I look so ugly when I cry. I know that because I've looked in the mirror when I'm crying. That sounds weird, but that's just me.

I don't want people to see yet another sad face when they've already seen so many in a day. I don't want them to feel discouraged, disheartened, daunted to see another frown or a pair of gloomy eyes. I don't want them to hear sobbing and crying when they already have enough problems of their own. I don't want them to see my tears and grief...

... So I cover it up with my smiles and laughter.

And that's all that your mind sees when you think of me.

My head held high, a big grin on my face, my camera in my hand.

But those rare friends that have seen me cry... they know.

They know that I'm not always the happy, cheerful girl that I make myself to be.

They know that my Zo Ma left this world and that I cried over that in the summer of 2009.

They know that my cousin gave in to death because of cancer and that I cried over that in 2008.

They know that a dear friend of mine fell sick with an incurable disease and that I cried over that in July in 2008 too.

They know that I've been betrayed and hurt by close friends and that I cried over that in October in 2008 again.

They know that I had a rough point in my relationship with someone and that I cried over that in 2007.

They know that there are reasons in my life that require tears.

Tears that I cry only when I'm alone or in the dark.

I feel them rolling down my cheeks now, and I let them fall...

... Because as long as nobody is around to see them, to feel sad for me, to try to cheer me up, to add on more sorrow to their unbearable burden--

I'm good.